Remember my post last Friday? Good thing I reposted it here. Today THIS is what my 'baby' looks like. The average reader might not notice any differences but I sure do... mainly the fact that I'm not there. It's not the posting I'm talking about but me... I'm DELETED. No posts I've done over the last 18 months are there... Even the one from last Friday! You can't search for me and you can't look up past projects of mine. It's like I never existed.
If last Friday I thought writing that blog post was hard- this new situation has been like granite. There is nothing I can do but say the my blog baby is dead. I said my goodbyes and it's in someone else's hands now.
That being said, I have a few ideas for what in store for me next and maybe, just maybe, this time I won't be quite as emotionally attached. ;)
Seriously, I'd be a brave girl if I took a picture of my desk right now. Actually let me rephrase that, BOTH desks. It would horrify my mother! There are layers and layers of projects on my creative desk and layers and layers of files on my writing desk. Too much to do, and too many interruptions. The major problem with this is that I've been asked to 'Share my Space' and create a little video/picture tour for another scrap blog as a featured designer. Apparently there is a deadline to my mess. So in an effort to document the chaos and live in the moment (and procrastinate a few more minutes) I'm going to clean it up just enough to tell you what is hidden.
First up? My writing desk. Let's see we're planning a disney trip so I know there are files and confirmation numbers and notes on that somewhere. I'm assistant Scout leader and I have TONS to catch up on there so again, I know that it's here somewhere but, not quite sure which pile. My murder mystery package came this week so that box is right on top along with about a dozen notes, random decorations and skulls. I finally printed out a bunch of pictures for my Project Life book so I have photo paper right on top too. I need to pay bills but can't find the sign-in info. to do so. I'm betting that it's somewhere on this desk too. I've had three BIG meetings with Tombow this past week and I'm working on new formatting and design, there are about 3 files for that, only one layer down. Lorali did her homework next to me yesterday afternoon so that is underneath today's emails. oh and flight plans and information for the funeral is glaring at me from one top of Owen's crayons. (on a side note, THANK YOU AMERICAN AIRLINES FOR BEREAVEMENT RATES. SERIOUSLY, THANK YOU!)
My creative desk? It's literally crying for me to have a few days of UNINTERRUPTED time and attention. I bought some fun new embossing tools about three weeks ago. They are sitting unopened on top of a cookbook project I am finishing up. I have a layout I designed the other day on my flight that is sitting half started on top of that. On one side I have a pile of Project Life, on another side I have Dallin's album basically done but for some reason I can't bring myself to actually add the pictures and journaling. In a bag I have pushed against the wall i have last summers mini album- which is a really fun concept but it's so labor intensive that work deadlines push it further and further off the edge. I just planned a few partnerships for Tombow so I have a file for that right on top and I'm working on a couple projects for the blog that were squeezed into any open spot I could find. Owen got into the puff paint today (interruption!) and Ethan pulled out a few too many markers for his birthday card to his teacher tonight so those are basically all over my chair and behind the desk.
I could go on and on. Needless to say.... I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and I wish there was more (alone) time in the day. I'm off to clean another layer or two before bed.
The clock is ticking. It has been for 2 hours and 21 minutes now. It was then that I sat down, already exasperated from a crazy morning routine that included a daughter screaming mad at her mother for making her wear pants (heaven forbid the 8 school dresses she owns be dirty- yes, I know I'm behind on laundry), a tantrum from a first grader because the bus comes too early for him to watch the news (note to self, record the Today Show from the day before to play when needed), a missing spouse (I hate the travel aspect) and a two year old who thinks that 3am is morning time... You get the idea, It's been an incredibly long day already and at 9:30 I sit down to put the finishing touches on the formatting for the Tombow Blog (on a side note check out yesterday's post.. some classic picts of Husbandface for the whole world to laugh at err... I mean with.) I sit down and the wonderful program that imports pictures to the blog refuses to upload today's batch. I try another program. Nope. So I re-boot my computer. Nada. So I try uploading it to a remote site and them linking the two. Laughable. GRRRRR.... two plus hours later, an hour late on my deadline and I'm no closer to finishing today's post then I was yesterday. The work is done, the pictures are taken and now the site has gone on strike as if planning a small technology revolt against me. "I'm not posting your stinking pictures, just because you stink, I can smell you from inside my gigantic 27" head. It's 11 am already, Go take a shower lady!"
So I'm going to listen.... and hope that the computer takes it as an offering and magically fixes the unknown problem, making my day slightly better.
My entire life I haven't really had fantasy heroes. I never wanted to be Wonder Woman and I knew that Superman would never come to my rescue. I've never held on to celebrities as examples and I don't think I've ever had a hero I hadn't met. That being said, I have A LOT of heroes (and heroins , thank you very much!) that I've been lucky to meet throughout my life. I haven't really told anyone about who my hero's have been over the years. I quietly watch people from the distance and realize that I tend to have a new hero in each new location I live. In Rhode Island there was an amazing woman named Sister Coates. She lived in my sister's ward and oh, how I admired her. I loved her positive attitude and upbeat personality. I loved how she treated her sons and I wished I could convey as much compassion as she did with just her voice. She had faith and a relationship with her creator that was obvious when you looked at her. She was regal and graceful and beautiful (i'm sure she still is). I had some papers that were all the traits that I saw in her that I wished I had and that I knew someday I could develop. When I first moved to Georgia, I wished there would be a Sister Coates for me again. There wasn't. Now that I've lived here a little longer, I have two more Georgia heroins that I admire from a distance, although very different from my Sister Coates, still very special to me. One of those quiet hero's of mine recently moved. To California. and I'm bitter. I wasn't done learning from her yet. I know that the list of amazing qualities I have already seen in her is just the tip of the iceberg and I feel like I've been jipped out of her greatness. I felt like a better person just being able to be in the same room with her. Like her awesomeness would somehow rub off onto me. I know, it's 100% selfish of me but, I'm sad she's moved. I'm a flawed person, what can I say.
I think that's why I love my little band of hero's. I think I choose my hero's because they are real. They don't even know how amazing they are and they strive to learn, grow and be better. (even though they are practically saints already!) Christine Howell was another one of my real life hero's that I still strive to be more like. She was loving and compassionate and hardworking and beautiful and so much fun through whatever trials she encountered, always with a smile on her face. I love that I have memories of hugging my Grandma Smith. To this day I'm sure that some of her awesomeness is in me somewhere, I just have to find it! So many hero's I should share I might have to give them each their own posts! I'm getting away from my point!
Last weekend I was reading Kelli's blog and she pointed me to NieNie. Can we say... amazing! I haven't met her but, holy cow. If I could only be one tenth of the person she is... oh my! I know so many of you have heard of her and if you have, I have some serious words for you. Like why the heck have you been reading my blog and putting up with all of my whining?! Seriously people! Tell me to SHUT THE HECK UP! My life, my trials and my whining. My problems are nothing. NOTHING!Tell me to be thankful that my kids know my name, or that I can pick them up. Tell me to be glad I'm not in the hospital. Tell me to have the faith that it will all work out? BASICALLY TELL ME TO STOP BEING SO FREAKING SELF-ABSORBED! I have been so worried about my own problems for so long that I forget how blessed I am. This woman is full of hope and FAITH. I know I haven't met her but, She is now being added to my shortlist of real life hero's.
Even though I haven't met Ms. Stephanie Nielson, I wish I could be like her because she is my hero and even though Ms. Erin Howe has completely abandoned my life in Bethlehem, I still wish I could be like her because she is my hero. Thankfully, because of the wonderful world of blogs, I can still learn from both of them and maybe someday have some of their awesomeness rub off on me too.
I think I write this post about once every 18 months. Doug has started blogging again. He started another NEW blog. I will say from past experience... ENTER AT YOU OWN RISK! After all, this is Doug! You're sure to laugh at some posts and be pissed off at others. But, the writing will be well... way better then it is here! A STUPOR OF THOUGHT
Did you know that happiness can come in the form of paper? Seriously, it can. Trust me, if you got this in the mail you'd be pretty darn happy too. Look at all that scrapbook goodness! All the possibilities just waiting for me to touch it and create with it! If you need me I'll be in my scrapbook room... Making love with the beautiful work of October Afternoon! (Did I meantion that I LOVE my job?)
Did I mention how busy I've been? What about how much I love my job? Have I mention that? Maybe that explains why I'm up at 10:30 at night working. Be sure to find me HERE and please comment, I need feedback!