I Love You Because...

late night lovin'

I'm not sure what true love at 11pm on a weeknight looks like in your house, but in our house? This is how my husband shows his chocolate-craving pregnant wife he loves her. 

Have a great weekend! 
J 

little love notes....

My Husbandface may be a dork and yeah, he's a little naughty but at least he makes me smile.
Speaking of Husbandface... check out more of his amazing writing on his latest blog Big Angry Ogre. 

xoxo
J 

An Anniversary... and A Dream... and Eternity.

It's been 5 years.... Since THIS day..... when Doug told me THIS... and our lives were changed forever.... Thankfully I am happy to say that Husbandface and I are in the happiest place we've been not just in the last 5 years but in our entire lives together. I'm glad I listened to THIS from the Lord and I'm glad we've made it to 10+ years!  It's been long enough since then that the hurt/pain and initial wound have healed as much as they can. We've found our happy medium and we are working daily on making each other happy. It's actually wonderful to be able to look back and see how far we've come. It helps me realize how much I almost lost and how much it's worth working for in the future. 

Since we moved this past summer I realized I've never really updated anyone on my new ward situation. I know, my last ward wasn't all that healthy for me but even at the time I knew it was still filled with good people, even if they were a little scared, put off, un-supportive of me, Husbandface, us. I still think a lot of it goes back to what I said last spring when I said there is not a road map for this! That being said, A fresh start can do wonders! (on both sides.)  

When we moved in I decided to focus on getting my spiritual strength up while I was at church. I wanted to really be emotionally present while I was there, if I met people, great. If I made friendships there then it was just an added bonus but I really did walk in with a feeling of spiritually rather then community. I know, it goes against the mormon model because so much of our lives revolve around the ward as a whole but I think I set myself up like this because of the pain of the last ward.

Husbandface on the other hand, obviously felt different. He made a lot effort to to come to church with me, to get to know new people and to help make them (the ward members) feel comfortable with us as a family. He would encourage me to go even when I wasn't feeling the greatest, he would be sociable and introduce himself to anyone and everyone and even when I went out of town, he'd not only go to ward parties, he'd participate. It was crazy, odd and even slightly wonderful to get texts from him while I was in Cedar City or San Fran about him taking the kids to church or how he went to the Ward Chili Cook-Off (and won!). I enjoyed him taking the kids to The Annual Trunk-r-Treat and not blinking an eye. It was becoming the new normal and while I knew he wasn't getting suddenly converted back to Mormonism (does that even happen?) I also knew he was being supportive of me and my faith in a way that he hadn't in so many years. Frankly, after 7 months, he knows more people in the ward then I do. Since Thanksgiving he's pulled it back a little because he doesn't want the pressure but, still he's been supportive and encouraging and still comes regularly.

It's so good to have him be past the hatred of the church stage, or the bitter stage and I'm sure he feels relieved to have me past the punishing him phase or the threatening stage, or the holding it  over his head stage.... Now we've both reached a comfortable level of acceptance and can even see past our differences to see each others strength and happiness in that area. Doug's told me he's proud of me for being a woman of faith and he sees my beliefs in the way I live and raise the kids. I've told Doug that I'm glad he was honest with me and honest with himself even though it was so painful. I'm glad he's exposed me to a world of diversity and shades of grey. I truly feel like it's given me a chance to see the world more through Christ's eyes because I can see the worth of souls regardless of their beliefs and I hope Doug and I can teach that to our kids over the years. 

I guess why I'm writing this is because I've realized that I'm not the only one in the world to be going through this or to have gone through this and if I had been able to read or talk to someone who could give me a little positivity for how it turns out, I'd have flipping bathed in the kool-aide they were handing out. There isn't a road map for this mess but it's always encouraging to know that someone has done it and is not only tolerating their lives but living and loving them.... You always hear about the couples that got divorced over it, or are seperating, or the ones that are 'pretending for the sake of the family' or are 'staying because of the kids' (and we've been in those stages too) but that hope, that faith in our MARRIAGE is so much more then important, it's critical. In my opinion, it's an eternal principle that must be learned by every couple, not just the ones struggling through apostasy or the ones with a perfect true-believing picture perfect temple marriage but all of us in-between as well. 

So here we are exactly the same amount of time together married before he left the church as after and for some reason it feels significant. 5 years before he left and now 5 years since..... it's funny how my feelings of my eternal marriage have changed and flowed through that time but, I still believe in it, I still have faith in us, I look forward to the trials and the growth we'll still go through together and I still want to spend eternity with my amazing Husbandface. 

 

-JJW

PS - - Thank You! To everyone that sent me encouraging emails or helpful links, websites and articles or called with words of encouragement....  I realize I couldn't have made it to this happier stage in my life without the support I got from not only my family and close friends but even strangers and loved ones I met through this blog and message boards. 

TEN

‎10 years ago. Wow! I never thought we'd get here but I have loved our journey. I love growing with you, I love your patience and your pure tender heart. I love who we have become together and the dreams we've realized together. I love you Husbandface more then I ever thought possible- even if you forgot our biggest accomplishment to date.

Eu Te Amo

Happy Anniversary.

(see more anniversaries Here)

 

Things I Love...

Things I'm Thankful for and Loving this week....

1. Regaining my Curio Cabinet space with this custom made shelf (Husbandface wants two more sets exactly like it because apparently this isn't anywhere near big enough?!)

 

2. Pintrest - Loving this site and concept and sharing method.
    (April- you NEED an account and you HAVE to share it with me! Just Sayin')

3. Finding a few simple things I'm trying to focus on that give me joy after a long, hard depressing winter. Cooking, my Garden, and Reading. 

4. Ancestry. com - This is seriously addicting. Found direct relatives that settled RI and owned land in 'Pawtucket'?! Seriously how random is that? and Doug's ancestors have been traced to owning a dairy farm right here in Georgia about 20 minutes from here.... crazy cool.

5. My Husbandface and his support through my depression and mega meltdown. (and I'm loving the fact that I can wear contacts again for the first time in a year-- Those glasses were never straight. ever.)

His and Hers - iLove

 This week Doug and I splurged a little.... okay a lot. We bought matching iPads and haven't really let go of them since.... the kids like them too. 

Hunka-Hunka-Husbandface

Look who got an AMAZING new job?! Starting July, Doug will be the new Director of Security Analysis at SecureWorks. Yeah, my man knows how to deliver! Congrats Babe, I'm so proud of you and all you've accomplished (and excited for that new paycheck!) 

ps- I love your new suit! Now take it off. :) 

Love and Marriage

 (My Grandparent's on their wedding day. Iris and John Smith circa; ?)

Today is my 9th wedding anniversary. I've had conflicting thoughts on celebrating the day I got married over the last 9 years. During most of the last 365 days I didn't think I'd ever be celebrating this day again. Thankfully, I was wrong. This weekend Doug took me up to Ellijay to a great Bed and Breakfast and then we enjoyed Saturday antique shopping. It was nice to rest and relax and get away. Although I think there is a new murphy's law of anniversaries: Anniversary trips = Joanna getting car sick. (sorry babe) It was still wonderful. We reminisced ever minute of our wedding day and reminded each other just how many of our dreams have come true... together. Can't wait to see what the next 9 years brings! 

8 years here

6 years here

Silent Saturday

Enjoying Ellijay with Husbandface

baby hunger

Seriously, I'm so baby hungry I could eat a NICU nursery. So there! I want a baby! I said it. The baby coo's and smells, the baby soft skin, the newborn giggle and grabby hands. I love it all! I want one!  What's wrong with that?

Let me give you just one answer; HUSBANDFACE. I want another baby and Doug doesn't. Isn't there some unwritten rule that guys don't get a say in the number of offspring that spring from their loins? They aren't the ones actually growing them anyways! Grrr... sometimes husbands suck.

Yes, things with Doug have been oddly-blissfully wonderful this spring. We've done the marriage counseling thing and it's helped. We're both happy and growing and *SHOCK* in love with each other again. (I never thought it's be this much work to actually stay married!) It's terrifying to be at this place again and part of me really does get sick when I think about ever being where we were last winter ever, ever again but, that is just the risk that has to be taken. Marriage sucks sometimes and other times it's blissfully perfect.... which makes you want to have more babies... and your husbandface doesn't want to... which makes you annoyed with him... which makes you not want to have babies with him. 

I guess my problem is solved.... for now.