I'm glad you were born..... You're an amazing, loving Dad and a hardworking, giving Husband. You are brillant and strong and so much fun to be with. You have overcome so much and you still teach me how to grow and be a better person daily. You love me in spite of myself and you have made dreams come true I didn't even have... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BESTIE!
It is 4 am and I am up. Can't sleep tonight so I'm attempting to be productive, ya know? Catch up on blogs, check out the latest gossip on facebook and surf for the latest pintrest ideas to add to your honey-do list. The thing is, I'm trying to do all that and I want to be productive but all I can really think about is you. You and Me.
and our family. I think about that first day you took me to Beaver Tail Lighthouse. I think about how young we were and how little we slept. We could get enough of each other. and we weren't even dating, yet. you were my best friend. it was awesome.
I think about the day you proposed. Walking up the trail, holding your hand, the sunset reflecting off your red hair. I think about your nerves and I can still hear your voice when you asked me to be your eternal partner. I responded by kissing you and you got flustered because it wasn't a yes or no. really? how could I ever turn you down? I remember your hand on my head. and smiling so big my cheeks hurt.
I remember being newly-weds and laying in bed telling stories. and coming up with dreams of our own. thinking about a future home or names for our someday kids. I remember talking about retirement and travel and you whispered in my ear that none of the specifics mattered as long as we were growing old together. it made me giggle. you were already old, right?
Remember when Ethan was a baby and you'd lay on the bed with him on your chest? I'd complain that you weren't sharing him. You'd laugh and hold him tighter and as soon as he was asleep you'd hold me tighter. I like you holding me, I wish you were holding me now. but I won't go up and wake you now, because I love you too much.
I think about the trials we've been through. The scary moments and tears and lonely times that were only lonely because we loved each other so much. I think about how close I came to losing you and losing those dreams and it still hurts to remember how much I had forgotten that you love me. That's that hing though, you did always love me. even through it all I knew we had something special. I just didn't know what our forever would look like anymore.
This past year in our lives has been amazing. The growth and the peace and the smiles and your strength. You were the best husband in the world this pregnancy, you know that? and I wasn't the best wife, which makes it even more amazing. You know the other day when you pointed out my first wrinkle? it bugged. but it didn't. you touched it and you loved it. then you kissed it and made me laugh. you're always making me laugh. probably because no matter how old we get together you will still be my 11 year old. Our kids are wonderful and lucky to have a Dad that plays legos with them and goofs off with them and answers their questions and shows them by example how to work hard for others.
Speaking of lucky. The thought of spending eternity with you as your partner still gives me butterflies. Eu Te Amo.
Okay Kiddos. Mommy has a lesson to share and I need you listening to this one. Every year I set goals. Some I accomplish, others are carried over for years and years until I actually move it to the top of the TO-DO list instead of the TO-WISH list. Quilting is one of those things for me. I have always loved and treasured your Grandma's quilts and her talent. I've loved how she's found a way to make things so beautiful and have it be stress relieving at the same time. So... I told myself that someday I'd learn.... Someday finally came around this January and I have been cranking out a quilt a month since but it isn't all about the beauty and perfect finished product. It never really is in life, is it? I've had countless frustrating moments learning how to quilt, I've given myself migraines over thinking it, or wasted a lot of fabric on accidental cuts. I've washed and shrunk when I shouldn't have and I've scorched fabric with the iron, I've tried new techniques... and really, I HAVE FAILED! I have ruined quilts I have MESSED UP! I'm not perfect and I'm the first to admit it. The thing is, I want you to realize that IT'S OKAY! No one expects perfection and really, it's not about that. It's about learning and PROGRESS and getting better a tiny bit day by day. I made this quilt in April just after Cam was born. I loved the funky colors, and wanted something really bright to go outside for our new little movie theatre area.... I also wanted it do quickly so you guys could start enjoying it as soon as the movie area was set up. So I worked on peicing the quilt top for 2 days straight... and LOVED IT. Then I figured I'd quilt it myself because the quilter I was using already had another top of mine and was working w a 4 week turn around time and besides, I had never done that before! So why not try it! I didn't have Grandma or Spring or Teri to walk me through this step so after a little online research and a few YouTube videos I thought I'd just try....
Needless to say, It didn't turn out so well...I even bound it but apparently had my measurements off.... by over an inch! The binding was just as big of a disaster. It's not pretty and it's not right I know that now.
But I tried! I even tried to talk you guys into hand picking out all my seams $1 a row I paid Lorali... her attention span only lasted about 8 bucks worth. :) I was trying to undo all my mistakes and "save" the quilt. After a few weeks of pouting over my FAILURE, I started thinking. Save my quilt? From what?! A life of imperfection? No way! This is exactly what life is all about. It' imperfect. It's beautiful and I enjoyed doing it. Will I continue to have crappy binding? or terrible quilting? NO! I will learn from it, I will grow and I will embrace the imperfections in not just my quilting but myself. In my life. Things aren't always as perfectly stitched up as Grandma's quilts... but everyday we're all getting a little better. I hope each of you will realize that yes, your life will have imperfections. Your relations might have a wrinkle here or there and you might wish you could do something that seems hard and impossible but, that's OKAY! You can grow, you can learn, you can say 'I'm sorry' and you can move on! You can iron out mistakes and wash away the stains and mend anything. Just enjoy the process of learning and growing.
I mess up at a lot of things, I'm certainly not a perfect person but I'm trying the best I can. I do have perfection in my life though, and that is you guys! YOU ARE THE BEST, MOST PERFECT THING I'VE EVER BEEN A PART OF and YOU'VE BEEN THE THING THAT BRINGS ME THE MOST JOY! Thanks for constantly forgiving me and my foibiles and for loving me....and my wonky quilts.