This post is very hard for me to write. Over the last few months I have been hurt, A LOT because I am so open and honest on my blog but, there is a huge part of me that feels like many of the issues I bring up are too important to be quiet about. Today's topic is just another reason why I continue the dialog and the honesty. I feel like there are too many people that do not understand Autism (me included) and there are too many families dealing with this disorder, searching for help. If this little spot in the internet world does anything, I would hope that it let's other parents of Autistic children know that they are not alone and maybe it might help others understand me, my family and others with Autism a little better.
Ethan's been having a rough week or so. He's almost 6 and starting a very scary phase. Extreme Violence. Three times in the last week he has bit people hard enough to still leave bruises, marks and draw blood. He pulls hair, he hurts himself, he can NOT calm himself down. He's having fits almost daily and now punching, kicking and attacking teachers at school. When he is having these fits it's heartbreaking because you can see it in his eyes, he is not himself. I see him upset and hurt and I am desperate to reach him and I don't know how to. As a parent you want to only see the good in your children but when these episodes are happening you are forced to see the ugly side of Autism. You look at it in the eyes and suddenly close your eyes tight like you're watching a real life scary movie and you hope that when you open your eyes again, we're onto the next scene. But instead of a new scene you see your baby screaming out for help... and the real life horror is that you don't feel like you can do anything about it.
I have spent most of the morning researching this on the internet but, it's not as talked about as you might think. It is acknowledged as being a common trend and many more horrific stories are told but, there are very few suggestions on how to handle the situation before it becomes worse. Many links and discussions automatically point towards sociopaths. It's a terrifying thought as a parent and after stressing over it all day I think it's unfounded. These Autistic Children need so much more of everything then regular kids. They need more patience, more explanation, more therapy, more logic and order... the list is a mile long and I know many parents are like me. We feel like we are doing the best we can. Hanging on to the end of the rope trying to pull our children into our worlds. We want to fight for them and love them and make their dreams come true just like every other parent out there. Being a parent to any child nowadays is stressful but add on to that Autism, it feels like you a fighting a losing battle some days. I'm not saying I have any answers because trust me, we are still searching for a solution at our house but I do feel very strongly that there is an answer out there. There is something I can do for my child that will make his life easier. Something that will help him connect to others and something that will help his violent behavior to stop. And you can trust me on this, I WON'T STOP UNTIL I FIND WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR.
I'm sending Good Luck and Love cyber-vibes out to every other parent, grandparent and family looking for those same things.